Lean on Your Friends, But Don’t Compare Yourself to Your Friends

Written by Amanda, University of Pennsylvania

The college application process can be one of the most stressful times for high school seniors, starting as early as when applications drop. With deadlines on the horizon, several essays to write, and critical decisions to be made, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. During this time, many students naturally turn to their friends for support. However, the pressure to compare oneself to others can often overshadow the benefits of having a supportive friend group. So, how can seniors lean on their friends without falling into the trap of unhealthy comparisons?

The Benefits of Leaning on Friends for Support

Leaning on friends during the college application process has several benefits, ranging from emotional support to shared resources. Here are the benefits of seeking support from friends:

Emotional Support: Navigating the ups and downs of the college application process can be emotionally taxing. Friends can provide a listening ear, words of encouragement, and a sense of camaraderie. Knowing that you are not alone and understanding that someone else is going through the same process can help reduce feelings of isolation and stress. It might also require a sense of humor along the way!

Shared Resources: Friends often share tips, resources, and insights that can make the application process smoother. Whether it’s advice on writing a personal statement or information about a particular college, true friends can be valuable sources of information and support.

Motivation and Accountability: Friends can help keep each other motivated and on track. Setting up study sessions or essay writing workshops together can make the process more enjoyable and productive. Accountability partners can help ensure that deadlines are met and that tasks are completed on time. Meeting up at a coffee shop, relaxing at home, or using a free period at school to work on applications together can help you and your friends lock in!

The Downfalls of Comparison

While leaning on friends for support is beneficial, it’s important to avoid falling into the trap of comparison. Here are the main downfalls of comparing yourself to your friends during the college application process:

Increased Anxiety and Self-Doubt: Constantly comparing yourself to your friends can lead to heightened anxiety and self-doubt. If you perceive your friends as more successful or ahead in the process, it can create unnecessary pressure and negatively impact your self-esteem.

Loss of Focus: When you’re solely focused on what your friends are doing, it’s easy to lose sight of your own goals and priorities. This can lead to poor decision-making, procrastination, and a lack of clarity about what you truly want in a college experience.

Strained Relationships: Comparison can strain friendships, especially if jealousy or resentment starts to creep in. It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and comparing yourself to others can damage the very relationships you rely on for support.

How to Lean on Friends Without Comparing Yourself

To make the most of your friendships during the college application process, here are some strategies to avoid the downfalls of comparison:

Celebrate Each Other’s Successes: Instead of comparing yourself to your friends, focus on celebrating their successes. Genuine happiness for your friends’ achievements can help you maintain a positive mindset and strengthen your relationships.

Set Personal Boundaries: Establish boundaries around discussions of college applications. For example, agree to avoid talking about specific schools, outcomes, or any other aspect of the process that may feel sensitive to either you or your friends. Instead, focus on the general experience, as this can help prevent comparison and you can maintain a healthy support system.

Focus on Your Journey: Remind yourself that your college journey is uniquely yours. You will be choosing where to apply and ultimately deciding where you want to spend the next four years of your life. Concentrate on what you want and need from your college experience, and make decisions that align with your personal interests, goals, and values.

Supporting Each Other From Beginning to End

As the college application process is officially underway, it’s important to continue supporting each other. By focusing on mutual support rather than comparison, you can turn this challenging and critical time into a positive and rewarding experience for everyone involved. The bond you’ve built with your friends will be invaluable as you navigate this journey together. Remember, the college application process is just one chapter in your life, and your friendships will continue to grow and evolve throughout it.