Weed Out the Sneaky Conversational Vocabulary Words That Inadvertently Sap the Strength of Your Speech -- For Your College Interview and Beyond
Written by Nina, UCLA MA; Former Teaching Fellow, Harvard University; and author of 20 textbooks and a novel
Just like adding too much water to a cake mix, certain conversational sounds and words sap the quality of your communication. I call these sounds or words "conversational strategies". Essentially, they're words and sounds that water down your message by adding the wrong feeling to your words. In the match-up between words and emotion, the feeling your words give always wins by staying with your listener longer.
What are these culprits?
Uh, um -- Say the following sentences. Which feels stronger?
1. Uh, we want to assure you, uh, that we will, um, handle, the, uh, situation.
OR
2. We want to assure you that we will handle the situation.
Many people use "uh" and/or "um" in their speech. Linguistically, they give the speaker time to think. ƒWhat's wrong with that? We don't have our words pre-written, so we need time to think.
Agreed, but unfortunately, "uh" and "um" add an unintentional tag meaning of "I don't know what to say next". If you go back to Number 1 above, can you hear the hesitation that "uh" and "um" create? Do you hear the same hesitation in Number 2 above, or does it sound stronger?
In the years I've taught English, I've learned that people feel like they're moving the conversation forward by using "uh" and "um" because they're saying something. They don't realize that they're actually weakening their message and that thinking silently would actually strengthen it.
"You know" occupies the same category as "uh" and "um". It means, "I'm thinking", but it decreases the sophistication of your message; especially if you use it repeatedly.
Let's take the above example and add "you know". Please repeat the following sentences. Which sounds stronger?
1. We want to assure you that we will handle the situation.
OR
2. Uh, we want to assure you, um, that we will, you know, handle the situation.
Like represents a final nail in the coffin. I'm not talking about "like" used as a verb. "I like Thai food" is fine. The following example illustrates an example of "like" as a conversational, meaningless strategy. You can tell the difference by removing "like" from the sentence. If "like" is used as a verb, when you remove it, the sentence makes no sense. If "like" is used as a conversational strategy, if you remove it, the sentence becomes stronger.
Please say the following sentences. Which feels stronger?
1. We went to like three places before we could like find the shirt I wanted, but by then, I was like so tired that I didn't buy it.
OR
2. We went to three places before we could find the shirt I wanted, but by then, I was so tired that I didn't buy it.
Finally, this last suggestion helps you avoid the nuclear bomb of language -- unintentionally ending a statement with rising intonation (as if it were a question). That sucks the strength out of what you just said. Sometimes people do this because they're not sure how someone will receive what they've said, but if you give a rising intonation to a statement, a little goes a long way. Don't overdo.
Practice
Answer the following question. Speak for a minute or two. Record your answer. Listen. Count how many times you used "uh", "um", "you know", "like" (not used as a verb), or a rising intonation on a statement.
Re-record and try to delete all of the above.
Question:
What's the biggest challenge you’ve faced in life and how have you overcome it?
